When I was a teenager, I thought I had love all figured out. I wrote poems pretending I knew what love was. Mostly because I desperately wanted to know what love was. I wanted to gulp it down thirstily without tasting its essence. I wanted to believe that the person I was in love with was -The One.-
At 25, I’ve realized that I don’t know altogether what love is. Maybe because love can’t be pinned down in one place. It looks differently with each person. Love between sisters has a different shape than love between friends. Love between friends is molded differently than it is between lovers. For that matter, love for one sister may differ from love for the other, which we don’t like to say. Favoritism is an ugly word. But maybe it’s not favoritism… maybe it’s just that the shape is different.
Maybe love is like me and my kitty hanging out around the house. She lays down on my lap and falls asleep, content. Or, she runs around, batting at my pant legs, pawing my computer cords, hiding in the dark of my bedroom, or rushing around the living room like a cat straight outta hell. She can’t be pinned down, then, and if I pick her up she struggles to get down. She’s 2/3 adventure, 1/3 cuddly sweet kitten.
Sounds familiar. I didn’t pick her – I think she picked me. 🙂
Maybe human love and animal love isn’t quite so different. 🙂 Somehow you end up loving a creature that takes over your space and can be kind of annoying, but they’re so adorable you choose to keep living with them.
Learning to love yourself is similar, too.
One day, I might learn the exact exposure that love is imprinted upon, the colors and contrasts that make it up. And I might not. I’m okay with not knowing ALL the ins and outs of love. Some things should be left to mystery, to the journey, to learning what it means to savor instead of trying to gulp before tasting.
“One can’t understand everything at once, we can’t begin with perfection all at once! In order to reach perfection one must begin by being ignorant of a great deal. And if we understand things too quickly, perhaps we shan’t understand them thoroughly.” (The Idiot)
I think I prefer to understand things slowly, if that means I learn them thoroughly. Especially when it comes to love.
And now I want to say to all of you – Happy Valentine’s Day – from me and my kitty Hermione 🙂 I am really grateful for all of my readers; thank you for “seeing” me, even if it is through the internet! I am blessed by the words we exchange here; I find this place sacred so much of the time and it’s because of you all. May your Valentine’s Day be full of love; may you feel precious and cherished today, because you are.