Dave The Bookstore Guy (AKA the Swinger)

My in-real-life friends know about the bookstore guy. I met him a couple of months ago at a local bookstore and had a fascinating chat with him about maps and travel (TWO of my favorite things, as all my friends know). I ran out before I got his phone number and didn’t see him again, though I tried. Maybe as a love addict I shouldn’t have tried so hard. But I did. Maybe 12 3ย times I entered this bookstore looking for him.

Tonight I went in and I was not looking. I should have known.

davealex

I was going in to read some Neruda, who I am pretty sure I was in a past life. (Maybe kidding, maybe not) Anyway, I walked in and…

penny hits head
janeyes

Anyways it was pretty awesome. And surprising. So, I play it all cool. I read my poetry. I read my other books I wandered around in pretense looking at…

readingrules

Not really… but you know. For the sake of this post.

And since this was a total fail last time after our fascinating conversation (which I had thought about ever since because I was so intrigued) I was determined not to let this go to waste. No more running out like a chicken, which yes, actually did happen last time.ย I was going to leave with a number, so help me.

skymall

So, he comes up. Introduces himself. “Hi, I’m David. Didn’t we talk a couple of months ago?” Me: “Yeah, you’re the GIS guy.” Him: “Wow, good memory. Me: “Yeah well, it’s just because I like maps.”

resume

Asks what I’m reading. So. We’re chatting.

smile

About books (win) and degrees (double win) and intellectual things such as spirituality (TRIPLE win!). ย I’m making a list in my head…

proscons

(let it be noted that his name was Dave)

And it was coming out all pros.

He then mentions that we should get together sometime and chat for longer, because he was getting distracted from his work.

winning

So I was pretty happy about all this. Right before I leave, I go up to say goodbye and we exchange numbers, so it’s all official like. During which, we’re STILL nonstop talking about very interesting issues.

five

Then he mentions the amount of animals “his household” possesses. So I ask THE QUESTION…

janesquintdatingdave

“What, do you mean your roommates’, or what?” (AKA NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND RIGHT???)

Cue awkward smile. “Well no. I actually have kind of a strange living situation. I live with my wife…

gasp

and my girlfriend…
whoremouth

And my wife’s boyfriend, so…”

mistake1mistake2

I didn’t hear another word he said, I assure you.
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Other than his “We should definitely hang out.” At which my mind actually kind of looked like this…
yikesbikes

byebyebye

And here I am not an hour later writing this post because, writing is cheap therapy, AMIRIGHT?

pennyjump

And also, because this is not an option for me:
drink

because if that happened I would do something stupid like actually go out with the guy.

fallpenny

As it is… I’ve already emailed my sponsor and texted my best friend, and also have determined that I am not going to actually TRY meeting anyone anytime soon. If this is what happens… I can love my life and be super badass ALL BY MYSELF. ALONE. VERY VERY ALONE.

destinykatniss

Or just find a gay husband.

foundderricksingitbitch

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19 thoughts on “Dave The Bookstore Guy (AKA the Swinger)

  1. Oh. My. Gawd. Good on you for not running away screaming or laughing in his face when he continued on about hanging out. I’m pretty sure I would’ve just said ummm nevermind, please give me my number back. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. I was too shocked to laugh or scream haha. I am pretty sure I did the “Bambi in the headlights” look. I literally zoned out of the conversation. And I probably SHOULD have said “give me my number back!” I was just too surprised to think of doing anything!

  2. I find it interesting that he lives with a wife, girlfriend, and wife’s boyfriend and the chief complaint is too many pets. I am sorry how it turned out, but it made one entertaining story. I hope you’re ok though, seriously. I’m glad you’re not drinking too because, yeah, in drinking days I rationalized things that were horrible for me, including a stud named Dave.

    1. He wasn’t even complaining about the pets haha. He had mentioned previously that it was an improvement to a pet-hoarding ex he had, who literally had a zoo… That comment should have been the first alert to the crazy haha.
      I’m sorry too but I am thankfully laughing now ๐Ÿ˜€ I will be fine as long as I never see him again! Any random texts or calls I get will be ignored.
      Oh believe me if I had been drinking… it would have been bad. So grateful I’m sober! Even though that conversation was EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE with a sober mind…

    1. Yes. Yes it was. Haha yeah my first inclination was definitely “GET ME THE EFF OUT OF HERE!” and backing away slowly…
      Lol. At least it serves for entertainment purposes!

  3. This feels like an Aussa story, holy holy! That was a wicked twist at the end. I can’t believe they all live together like that?! And that he still hit on you?! And then TOLD you about it?! They need a reality show so that we can all feel better about our life choices.

    1. Text to my BFF (the chick below) right after this happened? I quote: “I need to blog this. This is something that would happen to Aussa.”
      And as for the whole sequence of things, yeah I was floored!!! It was one thing that this was his lifestyle choice – hey, I’m not judgmental – but the fact that he was hitting on me, and then actually TOLD me this was his lifestyle?? Shocking. Haha. I’m not sure how he thought that would work out. I think he knew I was shocked – the next question I remember him asking was if I had any pets. To which I answered… about 5 seconds later. Very slowly. Lol.

  4. You were too nice. I think many would have paused looked at him and just walked off into the sunset stopping only to change the number you gave him so he couldn’t contact you again!!!

  5. Dave sounds like an interesting guy. Fascinating conversationalist. And an HONEST guy as well.

    One of the greatest gifts I got out of S sobriety is learning how to set healthy personal boundaries and sticking to them. As a result, I’ve been blessed to maintain friendships with people, who in the past, would have fed the brain chemistry of mental masturbation-love addiction. Cant live alone in a cave. Don’t want to set up house with a gay best friend. And not for nothing, but beating the shit out of a tree with a stick only made my hands sore. There are better ways.

    Thanks for writing the Dave story. You helped me today.

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