And yet… I will show you the most excellent way.

I take my sensitivity for granted.

Certain times of the month (read: PMS!) are more difficult for me than others. At those times, I become raw. I curl like a flower at night, protecting the stamen from the cold. My petals turn brown if they are touched.

At those times, tears come quickly. Simple and quiet things can move me, like a singing bowl rung at the beginning of a Sunday church service. Or one too many things on my schedule. The events of the past 2 weeks. Hearing the grief that seems to be coming with this season for many others, not just me.

I have decided I want to learn a new way. I want to celebrate these times where my heart feels raw and rubbed with salt. Many times, I go down the path to where ALL THE FEELS are torturing me to the verge of breakdown. That’s okay. Actually, it’s beautiful, even. Because that’s when my heart is calling a checkmate on my egoic mind. I have the chance to be exceedingly compassionate to my small, frail self.

No more taking this for granted. No more doing, doing, doing. No more perfecting myself into a tiny box and trying to be everything to everyone.

Instead, I can approach my darling little self with tender compassion. I sit at the stoplight and instead of reaching for my phone, I can reach for silence. “Hello, my little darling.”

Like the verse in the Bible that concludes 1 Corinthians 12 in preparation for the well-known words on love:

“And yet I will show you the most excellent way.”

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4 thoughts on “And yet… I will show you the most excellent way.

  1. I love this and find it so true for me as well. I highly recommend “The Way of a Happy Woman” by Sarah Avant Stover. It has been wonderful for helping me consider ways that might allow me to better care for myself and embrace my own sensitivities with compassion.

  2. Very beautifully stated, my friend. Wise and insightful. I adore this. I could write forever about what you said, but you *get* it, methinks. Or at least, you are on the cusp of it. The process of *being* and not always *doing* is a tough thing to get from our minds to our hearts. It’s taken me time to get better at this, but I don’t always do well. We grind ourselves down, in all manners, and we tire, we feel ruptured, we are splintered. We are not often kind to ourselves. We berate and harangue. As you mention, we try to be all to everyone, and guess what? It doesn’t work. EVER. I spent my life trying to do it and it was a failure. I tried it in my recovery. And it failed as well. We aren’t meant to be like that, or at least without losing our true spirt.

    Be kind to yourself. Go in the direction the Creator is nudging you in. Bask in you through Him.

    blessings,
    Paul

    1. Thank you, Paul. You’re right, it’s a whole process of trying and failing and then trying again. I’ve been at it all week. 🙂 I think I’m settling into a cycle of it. But we will see. 🙂 The stoplight thing is really helpful. I am so used to taking time at a stoplight to check my text messages. Now I’m trying to just sit with myself. It’s astounding how much I want to avoid myself, really! Yet it’s also really amazing how much more comfortable I feel and how much more I sink into my skin if I just stay with it.
      Hope you are well, friend. As always, it’s good to hear from you.
      Laurie

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