Rhythms

The past 2 days have been “down days” for me. I’ve been trying to keep track of when I feel depressed, to get an idea if there’s a rhythm or flow to it. It seemed to have more of a PMDD feel to it; but this isn’t PMDD. I’m wondering if it cycles every 2 weeks or so, because that’s what it’s starting to look like.

In part, I know it’s because I’m overwhelmed. Having finals, and then starting an intense 2 week class right after might not have been the best idea for me. But it seemed better to me than taking a class on Saturdays all semester.

I’m also really struggling on my self care. What doesn’t help is that I’m having to dip into my emergency savings until I get my summer student loans. So I feel insecure about money, too. It’s somewhat without reason, because I do have other savings built up for myself besides the emergency savings. But I’d really like to use that savings to go on another trip, not to live on.

Yet, I can’t decide if I should be using it right now for self care.

I really need to be doing yoga on a more consistent basis. I notice that it makes a massive difference in my mental state. If anything, I need to buy a yoga membership. It doesn’t make sense to buy it this week though when I’m going on vacation next week.

I am also realizing that I don’t feel like my life is fun. I go a lot of places alone and I don’t like it. I find myself at coffee shops, alone. I hike alone. It’s really kind of sucky. I want to find more fun things to do with other people. I’ve been meaning to go to City Rock and climb. I really need to work on having fun; I just don’t do it enough. And it needs to involve other people besides me.

It seems like life is always like this. I go through rhythms of realizing that I need more consistent self care. I start seeing the damage it’s doing not to have it. And then I have to adjust. Kind of like a surfer moving through the waves. The surfer reads the waves and adjusts their board to the flow.

I’m over here working on that… adjusting to the flow of my waves. I’m just having a hard time reading what they’re telling me right now.

How are you all adjusting to your “waves” right now? How do you adjust your self care when you need to? And how do you determine whether to adjust or not? Would love to hear from you!

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2 Replies to “Rhythms”

  1. That’s an interesting question. It may be more interesting to me at this moment, since I have had two dreary days myself, and after a long week where I was rather hoping I’d have most of the weekend to find some contentment. Alas, tomorrow I should begin feverishly preparing for another busy week, and so it goes.

    I wouldn’t call my sorrows waves, though, at least not the sort you describe. The closest to waves they are at this point is more like the coastal cities a few days after they’ve been devastated by a tsunami, but this is just an unusual time, what with recent misfortune. That misfortune was, I don’t doubt, a large part of the motivation to seek out a bit of community online and to begin my own “blog.” The quiet moments, though, (such as this weekend) are often not the best. Without needing to try, I deal with the despair of life by keeping busy–which is really to say that the work I absolutely must do deals with my despair for me.

    I did find a little bright moment today. Some of my thoughts brought to mind a song from my youth, The Waiting from Johnny Clegg and Savuka’s masterpiece Shadow Man. The overwhelming majority of my property is in boxes or in storage now, so I can’t listen to the record. So, with no guilt (since I own two copies of the record anyway: one vinyl and a CD), I looked it up on the Internet. Shucks, I won’t feel any guilt either about sharing the link here too:



    It’s a marvelous song, and perhaps relevant.

    Pardon the verbose comment. In any case, the call at the end of your post gave me a chance to keep busy for a moment, and so I’m glad for that (notwithstanding how I’ve just clogged up the comment box). 😉

  2. No worries! 🙂
    It’s so much easier to stay busy sometimes, I have to agree. I’m trying to stop that habit though.
    Thanks for the comment! I always like a comment with a song attached!

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