The past 2 days have been “down days” for me. I’ve been trying to keep track of when I feel depressed, to get an idea if there’s a rhythm or flow to it. It seemed to have more of a PMDD feel to it; but this isn’t PMDD. I’m wondering if it cycles every 2 weeks or so, because that’s what it’s starting to look like.
In part, I know it’s because I’m overwhelmed. Having finals, and then starting an intense 2 week class right after might not have been the best idea for me. But it seemed better to me than taking a class on Saturdays all semester.
I’m also really struggling on my self care. What doesn’t help is that I’m having to dip into my emergency savings until I get my summer student loans. So I feel insecure about money, too. It’s somewhat without reason, because I do have other savings built up for myself besides the emergency savings. But I’d really like to use that savings to go on another trip, not to live on.
Yet, I can’t decide if I should be using it right now for self care.
I really need to be doing yoga on a more consistent basis. I notice that it makes a massive difference in my mental state. If anything, I need to buy a yoga membership. It doesn’t make sense to buy it this week though when I’m going on vacation next week.
I am also realizing that I don’t feel like my life is fun. I go a lot of places alone and I don’t like it. I find myself at coffee shops, alone. I hike alone. It’s really kind of sucky. I want to find more fun things to do with other people. I’ve been meaning to go to City Rock and climb. I really need to work on having fun; I just don’t do it enough. And it needs to involve other people besides me.
It seems like life is always like this. I go through rhythms of realizing that I need more consistent self care. I start seeing the damage it’s doing not to have it. And then I have to adjust. Kind of like a surfer moving through the waves. The surfer reads the waves and adjusts their board to the flow.
I’m over here working on that… adjusting to the flow of my waves. I’m just having a hard time reading what they’re telling me right now.
How are you all adjusting to your “waves” right now? How do you adjust your self care when you need to? And how do you determine whether to adjust or not? Would love to hear from you!