There’s so man…

There’s so many ins and outs and complications in people. I’ve always found people fascinating, but there’s nothing like living with people to see how complicated people really are. One minute, they smile at you, they tell you what you want to hear. We all want approval, after all. So we lie to each other to get it. It’s funny.

Because the exact next minute, we become completely someone else.

I’ve seen this a few times now. Roommates act horrified at the amount of drinking and skanking done by someone, then become best friends with that same person. Person is upset that someone always “flakes out” on them… but the kicker is, that person actually always flakes out on me. Someone protests that they always just go out to parties and “hold their cup of beer and maybe sip on it”, but then come back hammered drunk.

So many dichotomies in all of us. Two faces we show to the world. Or a different face for each person. Spinning around, and around, and around, we just keep trying to make everyone happy. Does it work? Not really. But we think it does. And so we do it, just one more time.

I’m a little disillusioned with people now. I see the lack of trustworthiness and I just don’t know who to believe anymore. Are people really who they say they are? We all put on such thick masks to hide ourselves. Sometimes it’s just impossible to know what’s true. What is the truth of us – the mask, or the one behind? Maybe it’s both and we don’t want to believe it. We don’t want to be the ones we pretend to be, but we don’t want to be who we are. We get stuck in the in-between.

I feel so other. I feel so different. Even in the AA world, I don’t have the story. I haven’t done drugs. I don’t sleep around. I’ve gotten drunk about 15 times ever, but I know I’m an alcoholic. And I’ve got trauma in my story. I’ve seen 2 sisters be killed in front of me. I feel like an alien! I have always felt like an alien. And I don’t know how to deal with that.

and i’m tired of people showing 2 faces so I never know which one is real. so I can never put too much faith in someone it seems. 


Men of North Carolina and Men of Colorado

It just so happens that between two states and two extremes, two different cultures appear. Two different ways of judging attractiveness are held up to light.

The Attractive Men of North Carolina
-usually wear Sperrys
-“girl look at that body – I work out!” they have failed at life if they haven’t been to the gym in the past week.
-long khaki shorts are obvi a staple
-has got to iron a lot of button-down shirts
-have been heard to say to a girl, “Are those Jack Rogers?” (referring to her sandals, in case you’re not a hot NC guy)
-usually wear RayBans or Aviators just about half the time
-Polo Ralph Lauren is a staple wardrobe item
-strong jawlines are in. if you don’t have one, you’re out.
-know that every girl in a 100-foot radius wants to jump their bones
-if by some chance they aren’t wearing Sperrys, the loafers appear
-drive a Mini or Mercedes their parents bought them for graduation

Alternatively, there are also the Hot Surfer Boys of NC:
-blond, windswept hair
-bronzed god skin
-definitely ripped
-walk around without a shirt about half the time
-have a surfboard rack on top of their car
-most likely longboard when they aren’t surfing
-walk around barefoot half the time

In COMPARISON, the Attractive Men of Colorado:
-have a carabiner as a key ring
-talk about the 13 they just climbed last week
-own a 4 wheel drive
-climbed 10 14’ers over the summer, and one in the middle of winter just for kicks
-probably brew their own beer
-are tanned and sweaty from being out in the mountains so much
-obviously don’t care about the dirt under their fingernails and assume it adds to their sexiness factor